Ok, well it's 4am now... Which means I've been lying here now for hours.
Trenton scurried into our room at 2am this morning and jumped into our bed (not unusual). I love to cuddle and wake up with him by our side and the whole family in bed, however going back to sleep has been a challenge for me especially during this pregnancy. It usually goes like this; Trenton wakes me up, which wakes baby girl up, she does gymnastics in my belly while I lay there desperately trying to go back to sleep, my stomach starts grumbling as if I've fasted for days, then my mind starts racing going over my 'to do' list/schedule/decorating ideas/food/future etc. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to break lately. Once my mind starts going, it's all over... might as well make the coffee!
As I lay here this morning with baby girl practicing her backflips inside of me, I can't help but think about all that is ahead. Having the first child is such an insanely incredible experience that I can't believe we GET to do it again, and ARE doing it again.. soon. Very soon. Like 3 months soon!
What will life be like with two? I see people do it, but you never really know until you do it yourself.. every day/waking/sleeping hour of your life. What will she be like? Easy baby or tough baby? What will she look like? How will raising a girl be different? What will life be like as a family of four? Will we have another baby? So many thoughts.
Pregnancy goes in phases, in my experience... When you are/if you are trying for a baby you think about all of the fun things you will do, what the baby will look like and wear, how fun it will be to do this and go there and how cute a of the little baby stuff is. Then, you get pregnant and your in pure shock, have second thoughts and doubt yourself for a moment, quickly go over your financial situation/current housing situation/work situation/life and get a wave of anxious nausea. Then, you really do get sick, but you've come to terms with everything and have realized you CAN do this and it is what you've prayed for and well, it's happening. Next the honeymoon phase sets in where you buy all of the fun stuff, decorate the nursery, and get your life ready to fit the new baby in as comfortably as possible. Lastly, you realize that you are creating a life that will forever call you mom and dad and need you for the rest of your life. That's where I'm at, again... I now know the unbelievable bond between a mom and their child and I am going to meet another life that we have created and have that special bond with another human again?!? How?! So exciting (thats not even close to the right word, but I'm tired) but so much to take in.
All I can say is...Thank you, little girl (and Trenton), for choosing us to be your parents and thank you, God for showing us the most incredible kind of love a person can know and the fullest meaning of life. You've given me the most important purpose in life. I can't wait to meet you baby girl and to form the special bond my mom and I have. I hope you will love me that much and cherish the friendship we will have, as I do. I feel so undeserving of this amazing life, husband and family but I will forever do all I can for all of you. Xo
Now can you see why I can't go back to sleep?
Until tomorrow at 2am ;)
Have a great weekend with your loved ones, I know I will!!
Hugs, Momma T (x2!)
