Pregnancy #4, Baby #3!! Due July 21, 2017

From the get go this pregnancy has been very different, as they all are from one another. I had more morning sickness this time around, it was so hard. Thankfully, it only lasted a couple of weeks. It was a good sign that this pregnancy was healthy and viable compared to the last. Looking back, there were a lot of red flags in those 8 weeks of the last pregnancy in comparison to this pregnancy but i wasn't looking for them. I started really showing by 8 weeks this time around too which felt SO early. I can't believe how big I was so quickly. Now at 19 weeks (20 wks on Friday) I feel like I did at 30 weeks with the other kids. I wonder if this baby will be bigger or if my body is just doing everything sooner because its 'been here before and knows what to do'. The good news is, with Tayt, my hips/glutes/sciatica was in full blown pain by 12 weeks. This pregnancy i've been doing specific exercises for those areas and its seemed to help. I also was prepared for the pain to come, and when it didn't (as bad yet) i was pleasantly surprised. When i overwork myself on a walk, doing yard work, on my feet too much they do hurt but I bought kinesiology tape that has been a life saver. Shaun tapes up my back and its instant relief. I'm looking forward to using it when the belly gets heavier too. It's amazing stuff, i wish i had discovered it 2 pregnancies ago! As far as other symptoms, everything has happened a little sooner and more intense; heartburn, acid reflux, breaking out, constipation (tmi,sorry). And, i know its all going to just get worse this second half of the pregnancy.

We have made the doctors appointments a big family affair this time. The kids are so excited about the baby, it is so much fun having them so involved. The talk to the baby in my tummy, tell me how my tummy is growing 'so big' everyday, give the tummy hugs and love to see the ultrasounds and hear the heart beat at the appointments. We are not finding out what gender this baby is which has been a fun journey but tough! At each ultrasounds as we go it gets harder and harder not to look. Shaun pointed out a numb in one of the ultrasound photos and i was so mad at him because we thought for sure it was a boy but then learned that at 12 weeks every baby has a numb. You can analyze the numb to make an educated guess as to the gender but even when following the rules, many of the guesses are still wrong. Long story short, we still don't know and i'm happy that way. I am really excited to have that surprise be another special addition to the birth of our third child. We have our 20 week anatomy scan this Friday that we are looking forward to. All the other doctors appointment's, like i had said in the past, seem like such a waste of time. It is really nice that Shaun has Fridays off so that we can all go together this pregnancy.

Since we don't know the gender, we are coming up with a boy and girl name and not really buying anything this time around. There really is not much prep this time around being that we have both girls and boys clothes, already have a nursery which was neutral for tayt, and have most of the baby stuff still. I try not to shop baby stuff when i'm out in about because so many things have come out or changed since we bought things for Trenton that we really don't need but are really cool. The only preparation we are doing right now is potty training Tayt so we will only have one in diapers, that was very helpful the last time around and moving her to the big girl bed. She is sleeping well in her new bed in Trenton's room but does still come in our room once a night. Hopefully we can get that fixed in the next couple of months, which is why we started now. We got the kids a low loft style bunk beds that were so cute and allowed so much space in their room but neither of them wanted to sleep on the top. I thought that was the fun of it! But, i guess they are still a little young, so maybe in a year or two. Otherwise we are slowly pulling down boxes of the baby stuff, nursing stuff, bottles, blankets ect. and taking inventory of what is 'way too used' or what can be used again. Also we will move Tayt's clothes to Trenton's closet soon so she is totally moved in. The only tough part about them sharing a room right now is that Tayt naps still and Trenton doesn't, most days anymore. So when he has quiet time while we both sleep, he cant play in his room if she is in there so we are still napping Tayt in the crib in the other room. Silly logistics that i'm sure will work themselves out naturally soon. The baby will sleep in the bassinet in our room for a couple of months anyways and Trenton will be at school everyday next year so naps will most likely be done before we pick him up. He is such a big boy now, we can't believe our eyes.

This next year is yet again going to bring a lot of change but we are excited for it all and can't wait to give these kiddos another sibling. Life is going to be even more full and we are ready! In the coming years we are anticipating some changes with Shaun's job and a possible move (either here or out of state!), as we feel like we are growing out of our house quickly! We are excited to see what life has in store for our future. This life is soo good and we just love this little growing family of ours.

Seeing as how its been going around here (on the blog), the next post will probably be the birth story of our third baby :) Hopefully a week early!!Ha! Until then... send prayers and good baby vibes! Love ya'll. Thanks for reading and sharing in our journey.

xo
Momma T

It's All In HIS Plan

 

 


So, this post was supposed to be about our wavering decision to have a third child. But since i wrote the title, a lot has changed so i'm not sure it still applies.. well kinda.

Like the last post said, life is already SO busy and full with our two BIG personality, energetic kiddos but... my heart and mind would just not stop telling me that we aren't done. At 28 and now 29, we weren't done having children. Once we had our first I had said, "three by 30" sounded good. Now that our 'baby' is 2 it was kind of now or never in our minds. We couldn't believe the time had come so quickly, we got pregnant with Tayt when Trenton was about 14 months old so that age gap has long come and gone and there we were. To try for the third or not. THREE?! It has never seemed like so many kids until you are knees deep with two littles. Looking at others with three doesn't even look that bad, but thinking of adding another diaper wearing, dependent on us, mouth to feed/breastfeed, butt to wipe, non-communicating little person to this family seemed like SUCH a big deal. Financially, emotionally, physically (another pregnancy!?) ahhh all of it seemed like such a bigger feat this time around. We always knew we would have two.. we have never been the type of people to have an only child but now we were suddenly faced with what i would have never would have thought to have been such a hard decision. I have always wanted this.. why am i wavering so much now?! I guess if Shaun was really for or against having another it would have helped the indecision, but he was more like "if you want to, we will". Which i love him for. I know he was perfectly happy with two and he comes from two all the way up his family tree so two kids is very comfortable for him. Me however, being from three, it is weird for Trenton to only have Tayt and vice versa. I don't know why that's weird but not what i've known and always thought about our family looking like. So there we were...literally one day I would be fine with not having another and Shaun would want another, then the next day we would switch feelings. It was such a hard decision! We were completely on the fence, both of us. One day i read on a blog something that changed my view and made me (well us) go for a third; the woman said, "don't think of it as adding to your crazy life of babies right now, think about the life you want and you want for them down in the future". Or something along those lines. Point being, throwing another infant into the crazy mix right now is absolutely terrifying to us, BUT we want that bigger family in the future. We want the three kids later. We want the three young adults later. We want the three adults coming home and all of their spouses and children, later. We want the life that my parents have now, then. So, to do that, we have to have that third baby, now. Seems like a duh moment, but it made so much more sense to me that way. It was like alllrightttt, fine! haha. Don't get me wrong, i am so happy with these two and would love life like this forever but another baby will just add to this amazing joy and family we have created. And, i do LOVE babies.. you know how some people love toddlers or older kids once they can play and interact? Well, i am one of those people who really loves the baby... the smell, the breastfeeding, the carrying, all of it. So I am excited to have another one of those, its just adding all that to the other kids is a little overwhelming. Nevertheless, we started trying!

And..... we got pregnant in May and announced it to our family at my birthday dinner in June. The baby was due Feb 14th, 2017, valentines day. We were so happy, not happy about not drinking the yummmy wine at my birthday dinner but so happy for the best birthday present that Shaun could have ever given me, another little life! We went on a couple family vacations.. very sober vacations (for me) and at about 8 weeks i started bleeding. I was at home and i called the doctor immediately. The nurse on the other line didn't have good news but wanted to see me. I just knew... I was shocked at how emotional i was. I was beside myself. Trenton kept asking why i was crying and was so concerned, and i had to explain to him that the baby had gone to heaven and isn't going to come out of mommys tummy. It was so hard. He was so sweet and supportive, "Its ok mommy, you can just make another one". Tayt and his big hugs made me feel better and worse at the same time. I kept thinking, look at these beautiful children you have been blessed with, its ok. But, on the other hand, to me i had just lost another one of those beautiful children... a Trenton or a Tayt. That was really hard for me to swallow. Shaun had a hard time with it too, not so much about loosing the baby but more about not being able to understand how i was feeling since it was so early and was inside me, not him. He hated to see me so upset and couldn't do much to make me happy. So he drove me to the doctor, where they gave me an ultrasound and displayed my empty uterus on a large flat-screen TV. I lost it, I thought that is just about the last thing i needed to see why would they do this? Look if you want but you don't need to show me what i already know. It was the weirdest feeling waking up the next day, not pregnant. After having two healthy pregnancies, you think once you get pregnant, that you can't get un-pregnant.. it just stays in there. But, I've learned in more cases then i ever thought, like 1 in 10 pregnancies that's not the case and they end in miscarriage. As the weeks went on and i confided in friends, i learned many of them had had miscarriages too, which i never knew about! Its not something that many people talk about  but I needed to talk about it. I slowly felt better about it and came to an understanding that God has a better timing and this one wasn't meant to be. Maybe He thought i needed more time to make sure i wanted a third, maybe that pregnancy wasn't healthy and so it ended on its own, and early thank the good Lord. Early or not, it was hard but i came to peace with it.

The doctor did say that everything looked ok and that we could start trying again after two full cycles. Oh which reminds me, after he took out my IUD the doctor did tell us to wait a certain amount of time after for things to heal and be healthy for a fetus to survive and we did get pregnant very shortly after which does explain a lot, to me. So this time, we wanted to wait the full amount of time that the doctor recommended this time before trying again to make sure this one stuck. Well 6 months went by of trying.. we have never tried that long. I couldn't believe that it was taking so long.. i thought maybe this isn't meant to be!? And back on the fence we were... i found myself thinking "this sucks, now we have to 'decide' all over again". It was like we got a second chance of staying a family of four oooooorrrr trying for that third again. We had mixed feelings all over again. Also now knowing the feeling of a loss, was terrified to get pregnant again. I think its a normal feeling to feel like they will all end in loss after a miscarriage, or many (God forbid). I SO feel for the women who experience multiple miscarriages back to back. How emotional and defeating that must be. Child rearing is just hard work, even when they are healthy. Anyways.. back to our journey. It took a long time, for us. Which we again should be thankful about, because for many it takes much longer. It was just weird for us. And just as we (or I) was about to throw in the towel and just be happy and thankful for our two perfect children and our life as it was... we got pregnant again!

Shaun and I took an impromptu trip to Texas to check out what life would be like there, thinking it was time for a BIG change. We had the trip of our lives, besides the honeymoon, but this time so much more appreciative of the time together because we were baby free! I had an idea of when my period would be coming (or NOT) because we were trying..kinda. And it never did on our trip so i had an idea that i may have been pregnant, and Shaun made a couple of jokes about me being pregnant while we were sitting on the side of Lake Waco, but we weren't sure until we got home. I took a test immediately when we got home, made sure to wait until i was VERY late and low and behold we were pregnant! I was so excited, scared and confused but mostly excited!

Fast forward a couple of months and here we are.. five months pregnant with our third. This pregnancy really has been a whirlwind but i know the hardest is yet to come (the second half). We can't really believe that we are months away from having our third child. I caught Shaun talking to himself in the mirror saying, "I Shaun Engle am having my third child" in disbelief that he would ever have three. HAHA! I thought it was hilarious. But, the only reason we can do it is because of that man. He has created such a wonderful life for us. More on this pregnancy to follow.. Stay tuned!

xo
Momma T

Mommin' Ain't Easy

So this was written in Sept and never published. Whoops... so much has already changed which is even more of a reason to post this and not forget/delete it!

I love that saying, "mommin aint easy"... I want a T-shirt. It is so true. I love when a mom posts Instagram pictures of their epic mom failure or crazy, unruly children doing something unbelievable and the house that is all out of sorts. So much of the time on social media we only post the posed, beautiful moments but it's not real life. Most of our days as moms are very messy, ugly, hard, disgusting and challenging.. not beautiful, but equally as important moments and learning opportunities (for all of us).

This post is more of a reminder for us about life right now. We are so happy, and stressed, and tired that life sometimes seems monotonous and mundane, but our days are filled with so much that I want to remember all the good things. I love these kids so much it hurts. I never want us to forget these moments.

My kids are about to turn 2 and 4. Hard to believe. There is a lot of yelling, fighting, throwing, chasing, teasing, tantrums and frustration in our house today. Of course, there is also a lot of playing, laughter, cleaning, dancing, singing and imagination going on too. Their relationship is so special to watch evolve. The age gap is closing as they get older and they really are the best of friends. Trenton is the greatest protector of his little sister, and her worst enemy. He knows he so well that he can manipulate, tease and push her buttons to no end. It drives us nuts but is totally normal sibling rivalry. They have funny conversations. He tries to teach her things and she responds with the only words she knows how "WHAT? ya! What? ok.". They are so creative and imaginative.. especially together. Having two kids is double the disaster and double the fun. It still amazes me how long it takes to get us all ready, pack the car and get out the door in the morning, even after having it down to an art.

Trenton is in his second year of pre-school, in the dolphin class. He has a whole possy of boys that he has graduated from summer school each year and through the school years with. They are a handful but sure love one another. His teachers, the saints that they are, just adore him. He does devotional, chapel, spanish.. you name it. It is such a great experience and so neat to watch a child develop academically and socially. We aren't sure what to do with him next year because most of his friends in his class are a whole year older then him so they will be moving onto kindergarten next year. He is in the pre-k class with them this year so we can't advance any further at this school before kindergarten. Our options are to keep him in the dolphin class at church again next year or do a pre/T-K at a public school in our town. However, the school he would attend for kindergarten doesn't have a T-K so we would have to go to a third school which doesn't make me happy. We will also apply to get him into a charter school, which he could attend through middle school. It will be interesting to see what next year will bring. We would love to establish roots but again, not sure if we will live in Mission Viejo for much longer since we don't feel this is our 20 year home/location.

Trenton blows our mind with his observations, social confidence, creativity, love for Jesus and his family. He is one special boy, but aren't they all :) Many strangers that meet and converse with him think he will be on CNN or be some sort of social figure/tv personality. He also has the negotiation skills and smarts to be an attorney. He is so funny and over the top. He still gets counted (thats 1!), and time-outs multiple times of day. Mostly for being rough with his sister or not listening. Then he melts our hearts each night as he bows his head to pray in his sweet  voice at night for dinner or in bed. His prayers usually go something like this "Dear Jesus, thank you for our blessings, for daddy working hard, for our life and our family. I love everyone. thank you for our food. Amen". It used to include "and for shoot-guns and swords" too but we grew out of that one thank goodness. He loves to sing "i llike to be with my family" and says "mom, dad, i love you" constantly throughout the day. Speaking of 'our food'.. the kid is still impossible to feed. We are convinced he doesn't need food to survive. He has ovaltine for breakfast each morning, then fruit or smoothies throughout the day. He currently loves all fruit, carrots, frozen bananas ( i know, wierd), or smoothie/juice popcicles, pizza, chicken nuggets occasionally, noodles, broccoli and corn on the cobb. Will still not eat eggs, most meat, or beans. I've learned that he gets plenty of protein in his veggies and milk but it is still so weird to us the way he lives an extremely active lifestyle without eating much. he drinks so much milk, chocolate milk. Both kids.. we go through 2 gallons of milk in 3-4 days. That said, he will ALWAYS eat any kind of treat. My mom says she feels like an italian grandma with him becuase she is constantly trying to shove food in his mouth. He still takes a nap with tayt each day around noon or 1. He still really needs it as much as he doesn't want to admit it most days. If he sleeps with us, he ALWAYS has his feet on us. Since the moment he learned how to control his legs as a baby he has kicked and put his feet on us in bed. It drives Shaun nuts when he drives his feet in his back but i remind him its his way of being close, and loving us. We don't get as much cuddling out of him these days but he loves to be touching in someway, hurting us or not, i'll take it for now :) He is currently in the super hero phase. Everything is a weapon used to save the day or the world. He fights 'bad guys' so much that it became one of Tayt's first phrases. He loves remote control cars, super hero costumes, hunting for bugs, cutting playdough, helping in the kitchen, going to the beach, the pool, hotels, walks, scootering, digging in the dirt, climbing our hill, taking the couch apart and jumping on it, Dave and Busters games, sports of all kinds (mainly fishing, golfing and soccer) and running... everywhere. The kid is so fast and athletic. I can't keep up.

On the other hand, we have our little girl. She is a nurturing, sweet, little lady. She loves purses, baby dolls, strollers, books, cooking, her playhouse, the beach, water, anything her brother is doing and her baba. Yes she still drinks her cold milk out of a bottle. I figure its the least of my worries. She will drink it out of anything but prefers her bottle so what the heck. She is a much better eater in the sense that she will try most anything. However, she does not love eggs or meat much either. Her current fav is "noonles" or noodles with butter. She loves to paint, swing, baths, talking, getting ready with mommy (makeup, hair), painting her nails and all girly stuff but also doesn't shy away from diggin in the dirt or grabbing bugs with her brother. She has a big personality as well and can throw a mean tantrum. They are mostly silent though, throwing herself on the floor of wherever we are and laying silently refusing to go, unless her brother is taking something from her and she screams bloody murder and swings on him. She is much more obedient then Trenton was at this age but i can see a little spite brewing as she gets older. Most of the time she will answer "ok, mama" and do what i say which is so refreshing. She is very social like trenton as well. Talks to every passer-by. She fills her sentenes with a funny sound, best described as the sound the letter C makes. Something like this "mom! C, C, C spidurs erewhere, C ,C C"... that was 'spiders everywhere'. haha. I remember Trenton having some funny speech fillers too which drove me nuts but went away as he learned new words. Tayt finally loves Sunday School which is a huugee win for me. Shaun works on Sundays so i take the kids to church and it made it very difficult for me to be alone and have her refuse or scream her head off in sunday school. Most sundays i would be called in to get her or would sit outside and watch the sermon on a screen while she roamed the halls. Now, the two of them play together in Sunday school and enjoy it which is a beautiful thing. Then, after church we nap then go to GiGi and Pop-pops for Sunday Funday with Shaun. Wednesdays is their GiGi day so i can get some work/housework/errands done. It is so helpful and good for my mental health :) Tayt still doenst have much hair, although its growing, but we still feel like she is so much younger then she is. I think every baby of the family is viewed that way too, but she is not so little anymore. She is a walking, talking little woman. She has grown so fast and it is so much fun so see my best friend for life grow to be her own little person, yet so much like me. Naturally, she mimics everything I do, and is my little mini me. That is a neat experience, so different from watching my other little mini-shaun grow. Shaun feels the same way about Trenton so it is fun for us to each watch little versions of ourselves grow and develop in this world and life we have created.

This is a good life. A crazy, messy, LOUD life but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's already nuts so why not throw in one more while we are at it, right? Stay tuned for the next post about adding to our family!

xo, momma T